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2011 VMAs Recap: Late like Beyonce’s period

September 1, 2011

Greetings CBC readers!

I know…I know… what the hell? Where have I been? Let’s just say, life has been cray cray and I haven’t had a chance to write lately. But fear not, I have some interesting posts coming up. For now I thought I’d tackle the probably talked-about-out-the-wazoo VMAs that happened on Sunday, albeit a little late. So let’s jump in:

Now, like I said last year in my VMAs post: “I’m not really all that big into the VMAs. Pop music is pretty much the devil and I don’t think I’ve watched them since the mid-90s when the kind of music that I liked was actually featured… If these awards are for videos, shouldn’t the producer/director be getting these awards rather than the artists? That would make “sense”  I’m totally on board with Maroon 5’s Adam Levine when he tweeted:  “The VMAs. one day a year when MTV pretends to still care about music.”Yeah so I don’t really “get it” so take this post with a grain of salty pop sugar.

First! Some Fashion!

-Who is Nicki Minaj and why is she dressed like this?

 

-Did Katie Perry get lost on her way to a Greenbay Packers game?

 

-Justin Beiber brought a snake.

Justin, you’re not edgy. Bringing a snake just marks you for animal cruelty by the ASPCA.

 -Oh Jesus Christ

 -Aw Poor Jessie J

At first I thought she was doing some sort of Lady Gaga Circa 2009 thing. But she actually broke her foot! Way to go for bedazzling your crutches, girl.

 

Now! Some Performances!

Lady Gaga’s opening number “You and I” as ex-boyfriend (real?) Joe Calderone:
Uhm, dudes. Can we talk about how much I loved this? The greaser cross dressing. The angry storytelling. The whole “I’m not real, I’m theater.” performance art. Androgyny loving Queen’s Brian May rocking a guitar solo. Britney Spears looking on in awe at a capable performer. Justin Beiber dressed as a lesbian, looking on in confusion. Was it meant to be commentary on gay rights or the transgendered community? Who knows, but it was still awesome.

-Kanye West and Jay Z’s “Otis”
Dudes, I hate Kanye West and Jay Z is a Yankees fan, so I’m not even going to talk about this “I’ma yell at you cross the stage” performance that was allegedly supposed to be hip hop.

Adele “Someone Like You”
Dudes, this is how it’s done. There’s something so refreshing about a singer who can just stand up there with musicians and kill it. No auto tuning, no backup dancers, no fancy bullshit. Just SANG it.

-Chris Brown and whatever the hell he sang.
I’m actually pretty offended that this guy still has a career and is touted as a role model for the kids who regularly watch MTV and take it seriously. What an asshole, and what assholes at MTV ok’d this guy to perform?  I hate Fox News with an equal amount of passion, but I must direct you all here.

-Beyonce “Love on Top”
I liked how this song was a little bit retro and that the gals were dressed in little sparkly suits (though a little TOO sparkly, kind of reminded me of one of my dance recital costumes). But pretty much the whole point of this number was so that B could announce that she was preggo. This whole obsession with celebrities and their spawn is so bizarre. Guess what B, probably a bazillion other women are preggo right now too. Get over yourself.

Bruno Mars “Valerie”
This dude is super cute and smooth. I loved the retro feel. Seem like a lot of stuff is going retro these days, huh? Maybe people are remembering/realizing/recalling what good music and singing were once.

-Lil Wayne’s closing number.
All I’ve got to say is…uh…who let this guy out of jail?

WTF Moments!

-Jessie J on the side stage.


I guess they just had her sit in an enormous “This one is too big, Goldilocks” chair and sing some songs during the commercials? Poor gal.

-Why is Britney Spears there?
Is she still relevant? Does she even have an album? Is it any good (Not that any of them were any good). Holy crap she WON something… not only a Moon Man but like a lifetime achievement thing. Lady Gaga introduced her as an inspiration (Yeah LG, I’m sure she super inspired you). Then they had little teeny bopper girls do her video dances to all her singles (super fast I might add, maybe so we don’t have to listen to her songs too long?) But her Vanguard speech was apparently only an introduction for Beyonce. Ha! WTF. Plus, is it just me or does she still look a mess?

-Please don’t make The Hunger Games all MTV’d out.
The Hunger Games fan inside of me hates that it’s being lauded as “the next Twilight.” No…no that’s not how it is idiots, because THG is actually GOOD while Twilight is just crap. So I kind of hate that the MTV set are all over it and the little preview was played (I’ll save my review for that post) and it’s been sucked into the MTV world. BOO!

-Cloris Leachman presents with the Jersey Shore girls.


And with that outfit seem to fit right in. That’s pretty much a WTF moment in itself…

Well that’s it you crazy MTV kids. Until next year when some other BS will happen and someone else will be preggo. Maybe Gaga will have some sort of alien baby, eh?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 18, 2011 1:21 am

    Thank you for a great post.

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